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1. I’ve never hit a patron of an establishment in which I was working, or an employee of the establishment for that matter. Hell, I’ve never hit ANYONE in an establishment in which I was working!

2. I’ve never puked in an establishment in which I was working, other than in the bathroom.

3. I’ve never had sexual relations of any kind in a place that I was working (and no, quick gropes down the front of someone’s pants do not count, nor do a fast fondle of a slicked-up stripper that’s wiggling his ding-a-ling in your face).

4. I’ve never passed out in the establishment in which I was working (I’ve always made it to the car before that, hallelujah).

5. Finally, and most important to recent events, I’ve never, ever deliberately pissed on the carpet in the dressing room in which I was working.

Some of you might understand, some of you might not, but I just wanted to put it out for public consumption. I might be a rotten cunt sometimes, I may even be getting older and not as interesting as I once was. But I still have some kind of simple decent respect.

I saw this first on The Soup last Friday. I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since I heard that Ann “The Cunt” Coulter had to have her jaw wired shut. An explanation: what this ditzy woman is talking about is when Mr. President and the First Lady do the fist bump. Even Barbara freakin’ Walters knows what it’s called and the right way to say it!!

Everyone knows that I’m carnivorous to a fault, but I think the new cologne, Flame, takes things a bit far.

First of all, it only costs $3.99. Any cologne that only costs $3.99 probably isn’t worth the bottle in which it’s packaged.

Now, on to the truly disturbing part. This cologne, created by Burger King, is described as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” Really? You have GOT to be joking. Seduction with flame-broiled meat?? What the hell???

And the final *creeped-out shudder* that I was blessed with came from this image, found on the Flame website:

Flame

*GAG!!!!!*

The most vile, hate-filled, disgusting, vicious, rotten, nasty, unpleasant, bad, disagreeable, horrible, dreadful, abominable, atrocious, offensive, obnoxious, odious, unsavory, repulsive, disgusting, distasteful, loathsome, hateful, nauseating, sickening, disgraceful, appalling, sorry, shameful, dishonorable, execrable, heinous, abhorrent, deplorable, monstrous, iniquitous, nefarious, depraved, debased, contemptible, despicable, reprehensible, gross, godawful, lowdown, cunt (indeed, I believe that she is the embodiment of that powerful word!) to walk the planet at this time is none other than most-pitiful-excuse-of-an-”author”-ever Ann Coulter.

For those who are unaware of who this positively hellish woman is, consider yourselves truly blessed by some higher power to have been able to avoid her noxious spew.

To call her an extreme conservative is to be seriously nonchalant about her behavior. To my mind, and many others that I know (who are liberals, moderates and conservatives), she is the very same type of extremist that has created the current politically/religiously charged situation that has taken us to war half way around the world.

She is rude, to the point where it has even been misconstrued as sarcasm or a farce. Trust that she is neither sarcastic nor farcical. She is completely serious about everything she says and believes which makes her even more unbelievable, taking into the consideration what she says and believes.

She is misogynistic, which is a true talent, as well as misanthropic . (The definition of “misogynistic” can be found here, the definition of “misanthropic” here.)

And currently, it is reported that she had to have had to have her jaw wired shut!! Praise every being that despises piggish cunts! Currently there isn’t any factional account as to why she had to have it wired shut, so one could only assume that either someone was attempting to do humankind a favor and pushed her down the stairs or that she finally lipped off to the wrong person and they gave her a good right hook to the jaw.

Of course, the down side is that now she has more time to write what she would refer to as a book (while the rest of the civilized world would call it the mad ravings of someone in need of serious mental health assistance). Then again, I’m sure they can be recycled into something useful, such as toilet paper or paper towels.

**Caveat** I did say there may be a god, but I still doubt it… unless tomorrow morning I wake to find that Rush Limbaugh has been found dead, with a four-foot dildo shoved up his bunghole after snorting coke, having been gang-banged by illegal mexican immigrant boys while under a wall sized altar to President-elect Obama. THEN I would most definitely believe in a god of some sort.

This is just a fucking favorite!

Oooooh I just LOVE this!

Particularly piquant for me is the suggestion that a person’s religion is a accident of birth in most cases. A very very interesting theory, one which I find pretty damn accurate.

An explanation on meaning:

1) The number 37 is my lucky number. It has been my lucky number since I was about 12 or 13. My brother, who is 11 years my junior, would hear my mother telling me to be home by a certain time, such as 7:30 or 10:00 and, being only 3 or 4 years old at the time, he would always tell me to “Be home at 37″ which is the equivalent of saying “Be home on time.” for a 3 or 4 year old. After the first time he said that, 37 showed up in everything I did. I’m wondering if 37 is the age I’ll be when I kick off from this Valley of Tears. Creepy…

2) The brass plate concept is a nod to the character Tik-Tok, the Mechanical Man from the movie “Return to Oz.” (For those of you that are movie fans, this movie is Fairuza Balk’s first film. She’s the gal that played the bad crazy witch in “The Craft.”)

3) The location (my left breast-icle) is tribute to a song by one of my favorite bands, Pixies. There is a song by Pixies called “No. 13 Baby” from the album “Doolittle.” One the lines of the song is

Black tear fallin’ on my lazy queen
Gotta tattoo tit
Say number 13

Obviously, I opted for 37 instead of 13 since 37 is my lucky number (and, let’s face it, 13 is rather cliche these days).

For the record, I feel like someone has taken a meat tenderizer to my boob. FOUR HOURS of being poked and jabbed for my first tattoo… just my luck.

In memorial of one of last century’s dinosaurs of politics, that man that lived to be over 100 years old fueled by pure spite and viciousness, the one and (thankfully) only Jesse Helms, I post this blog entry from a long time AIDS advocate and victim.

In Memory of Jesse Helms and The Condom on his House.

Additionally, I submit this article from one of my favorite political blogs, The Rude Pundit, which gives us a fantastical view of what the vile Senator may have experienced shortly after his anxiously awaited departure from the remainder of humanity.

Jesse Helms in Heaven (A Fantasia)

My dear Senator, if there is some way that you can see all the people posting blogs voicing their joy at your passing on from this world, then justice has been served. I gleefully, joyously, maliciously, viciously add my voice to theirs. Rest in Distress, Senator. May you never know peace.

PS! Thanks to Crystal for sharing the link to the POZ blog story!

Thanks to the Bearded Clam, Miss Crystal, for this lovely graphic.  Makes you think…

So I’ve just found the brand new Cyndi Lauper album “Bring Ya to the Brink.”  Holy freakin shit.  It is just FABULOUS!!  It’s definitely very very gay, but I am so enjoying it.  Obviously Cyndi has been a member of Ms. D. Meanor’s most beautiful women for a very very long time, and now she renews her membership in that list. My favorite pick from the album is the song entitled “Same Ol’ Story,” the chorus of which goes…

Well It’s the same old fucking story
With your two different sets of rules
The same old fucking story
One for me two for you
It’s the same old fucking story
It’s the same old fucking story all around yeah 

Oh just lovely!!!!  DEFINITELY a welcome addition to Ms. D. Meanor’s file of songs for entertainment purposes. The rest of the album sounds quiet lovely as well and I will be purchasing it around about pay day.

Also joining us is a new girl, Katy Perry, with her new song “I Kissed a Girl.”  She hasn’t officially been added to the list of the most beautiful women, but she’s definitely lovely and very fun! I originally thought her new song was a song that came out years and years ago, a very hippy, urban-chic song that I didn’t really care for back then (and still don’t).  But after some pressing from a friend (Thank you Birkenau-Randy) I viewed the video for the song and it turns out it’s an entirely new song!  Quiet lovely actually!  

The theme of the song isn’t necessarily one I’m enamored of, but the tune its self is just so fun!!!  

She has another song which I previewed called “Ur So Gay” which had a very different feel while still hitting on “gay” themes.  It seems that she’s singing that song to a “metrosexual” type lad and I just loath metrosexuals.  The video is tres’ cute!