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1. I’ve never hit a patron of an establishment in which I was working, or an employee of the establishment for that matter. Hell, I’ve never hit ANYONE in an establishment in which I was working!

2. I’ve never puked in an establishment in which I was working, other than in the bathroom.

3. I’ve never had sexual relations of any kind in a place that I was working (and no, quick gropes down the front of someone’s pants do not count, nor do a fast fondle of a slicked-up stripper that’s wiggling his ding-a-ling in your face).

4. I’ve never passed out in the establishment in which I was working (I’ve always made it to the car before that, hallelujah).

5. Finally, and most important to recent events, I’ve never, ever deliberately pissed on the carpet in the dressing room in which I was working.

Some of you might understand, some of you might not, but I just wanted to put it out for public consumption. I might be a rotten cunt sometimes, I may even be getting older and not as interesting as I once was. But I still have some kind of simple decent respect.

I saw this first on The Soup last Friday. I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since I heard that Ann “The Cunt” Coulter had to have her jaw wired shut. An explanation: what this ditzy woman is talking about is when Mr. President and the First Lady do the fist bump. Even Barbara freakin’ Walters knows what it’s called and the right way to say it!!

Friday night is my last night at Aquarius for a while. They have decided to have a cast, where everyone will take turns hosting, rather than having 3 main hostesses. Unfortunately I don’t have the time to dedicate to a cast, so I won’t be there any time in the near future.

As such, you should come out to see me! I’ll be joined by Daray Lorez, one of the new cast members at Aquarius, as well as Joey Winters, former Miss Ohio America.

I’m sure I’ll pull something out of the bag, since it’s my last time there for a while, so you should come on out! The weather is finally not so horrendously cold, we have a new President to celebrate, and what else do you have to do in Dayton on a Friday?

And don’t worry… I’ll still be working around here, so there will be other opportunities to see me… but that doesn’t give you an excuse not to come on Friday! hehehe